A New Year, A new start. Again???

The earth completes another revolution round the sun in abt 3 hours. Many changes have occured. I'm no longer in school (Yay? Not!!!!), The verdict on the usage of the word 'Allah' is out, ruling in favour of the Church. The church which I attend, is experiencing some 'technical abnormabilities'. Rio de Janeiro is hosting the 2016 olympics. Brazil may be kicked out of the world cup. Malaysia won the SEA games football medal. Michael Schumacher is back, etc, etc, blah, blah, snore..... plunk! (dont ask me. Just some cheap thrill)


For me, what's more important is what hasn't changed. My attitude has changed from fire to water and then finally to wind. But I'm still the same person I always was. The same boy that is now 19, the 'small fry' that is now a 'big fish', the supporting actor which is now a back-stage worker.

(Not forgetting that others remain the same towards me too....)


My mouth isnt the only part that has served me well. My hands did the same, maybe better. And of course my mind that oversees them all.


'Cogito Ergo Sum'-I think, in account with being. (Rene Descartes)

The fact that I can control what I do is the main testament that I exist.



These are some words from the anime series 'Mobile Suit Gundam 00 (Kidou sensei Gundam 00), s1, ep 23. Lasse Aeon said:

'I don't honestly believe that we can eradicate war. But for better of for worse, our insame acts will be carved into people's hearts... I think that... we are significant because we exist.'


I've wanted to say these words for a looooooonnnng time. It's one of the reasons why i never wanted to be suicidal again. The fact that I have been given life is the biggest gift i'll ever recieve, just maybe in a newspaper wrapping:) The simple fact that i'm a backstage worker, the last resort, and the bridge between fire and water (aka wind) cannot stress it enough. I am there if i am needed (and if i can be there, duh), all i ask for is some credit. my wages. hey, it's not money. i'm a volunteer, not a worker. I don't care who you are. Not even if ur my sworn enemy, not that i have any, at least from my perspective. when it comes to decisions, there is no right and wrong. If you are fighting on one side of the war, ur know that they are the enemy. it's not that they are pagans or heretics. If we think our ideals are right, cant the enemy think the same?

And also, if we call people hypocrites, so can they. and ultimately, both sides are right. Every thing we say is a double edged sword. what really matters is which edge is longer. You are poor. We all are. I am strong. aren't you the same? That is why we are all individuals, yet very much alike.

By that I do not mean 'He can be the the top student, why can't you?!'

What I AM saying is 'He is the best, but you were his ladder'

It's true that I was NEVER the president (except for my class). I was never 'DA MAN'. I was never a top student, nor was I an excellent sportsman. But what I, and many others, are is the
platform on which they stand, the ladder which they climbed, and the grass at the bottom. I'm not saying im worthless or stressing that I am important, but hey! scroll up 28 lines. Someone has to be the platform, and the ladder, and the ground. Sadly the platform is rather small.

We don't, i repeat, don't get anywhere by using people. We get there because they allow us to use them. And we have to keep them. What would happen if the ladder was missing a rung? What if the ground was concrete? Ouch! is all i can say.


Our unsung heroes aren't just the road sweeper or sewerage worker. The scavengers and death row criminals are very unlikely unsung heroes. lets look at it. The scavengers are solid proof that garbage is a gold mine, and how much of this 'gold' we are wasting. They can survive by selling and eating what we do not want. they are the living proof of the future of waste, and how lucky yet wasteful we are. Criminals, are evil, so we say. We do not think, however, that one day, that may be us, at the gallows. They are grim reminders of the resolve to survive, how love is transcended into hate, and how the name of God can be misused to extremity. Still we cannot deny that we are animals. Literally. We need to survive. By any means, survive.

To exist, that is to live, carrying the will of those that have died, and facing the world.


When we die, those remaining will do the exact same thing, and the cycle continues. the fate of man lies in his hands, because he will be judged by how he used them.



I look back on the whole year, how so many things have changed, many of them for the worse. Maybe it's because I observe more, and am more mature to understand what i observe.


You don't need to see too observe. Nor hear. Nor touch. Nor smell. Nor taste. people who lack one or two, maybe three of the above can know whats going on way better than any normal human. their mind is their sense.


Another quote from the gundam franchise (the third, one was not identified:))

Observe, Decide, ACT. (Fon Spaak, Gundam 00F)

Seems like common sense, but common sense isn't so common. Maybe it never was. hmm...


Next year, I resolve not to change for others, nor others to change for me. I may not even change is it's unnecessary. But if i am to, i will. BY MY OWN FREE WILL.


A short apology for lack of writing.... or typing, whatever. Here's my new year's Greeting to all! God bless each and every one of You!


A New day dawns, The daybreak bell rings,
Time does pass, So does man and his kings,
Legacies do remain, The soul does persist,

BUT HEY!

Cogito ergo sum, I think, so I exist.



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So.... What's next??

Christmas is coming. 1st sunday of advent just passed. New beginning? hopefully yes.

Lets be frank, k?

I haven't picked up my pen and put it to paper for more than 2 months. Except if u count my exams, duh. what is there to write? My past few posts have been about me wallowing in self-pity, and i guess this is no different.

Maybe i should go back 2 my old self. U noe, the loud and physical one, maybe i was happier then. When I look at everybody, my family, friends, strangers, etc. Something has changed. But that 'something' revolves around me more than it does on them. I never expected this, when I became a person who barks more than he bites, so maybe i should bite more?


Here's a question for u guys and gals out there.

when u see a person u know has a sudden change in behaviour, e.g. A talkative guy suddenly remains silent most of the time, what do u notice?

The ans. from most ppl: Something's wrong, and if it goes on, something's REALLY wrong.

But why, WHY cant people see whatever is that they just said? The very ppl who said those words above are bound to say:

'he's just being difficult'
'Just some teething problems'
'Surely he's trying to get something'

The fact is, all of the three statements above are very much true. just not in the common perspective.

Think about it. Most suicidal ppl leave a note before they take their lives. But there is usually something in common about all these notes.....

'I cant take it anymore'

'I'm sorry for....'


The meaning of the words 'I cant take it any more' needs no explanation.

what needs explanation is the 'im sorry' part.

This the words of a reluctant person, a person who still blames himself on the account of his death. And most likely, this sentence is present:

'u will be much better of without me'... something im saying in my heart this very instant. I know i can't leave yet, i'm only 19, but this place in which i type all this, is no longer my home. My heart is no longer in this place. It's just my hostel, a place where i return every night just to lay down my head, and be gone the next morning to work and labour. No, i'm not getting suicidal, tho i once was. I told myself, i'll never despise this world of even one human soul, which is significant just because it exists.

The big Q, " do I even exist?' That is what i search for as we head towards the birthday of our lord, who himself is non-existant in most of our hearts. But behold, I an no God. I am but a man, and very few men have lived on in the hearts of those in the present. Maybe i should start an autobiography.....

So... what's next??


Drownrat